Yes, and

On becoming older, commenting on celebrity/fan Instagrams and giving in and saying yes. 05/26/25.

My place is finally starting to feel like my place and I’m not just saying that because the tulip lamp from Urban Outfitters finally arrived. Chrissy came over in the middle of the week and commented on how it already has a great vibe. We watched the Emma Roberts movie Space Cadet because we had both been thinking about Emma Roberts all week.

She says that she thinks about Emma Roberts every week, which I believe, but it’s not as common for me and yet, every single day there is a new Emma Roberts-themed thought to ponder. I think about Unfabulous all the time if I’m being real. Her lead ‘single’ from that show, Dummy, as well. I love that she couldn’t really sing but they had her do it anyway. According to various sources, she’s also a menace to the east side of Los Angeles, which I’m obsessed with.

Space Cadet wasn’t amazing but felt like the perfect movie to christen my apartment with. Chrissy and I watched while drinking a white wine we found in Costco. We chose it because it had a twig fastened to it with ribbon. I picked it up and Chrissy said “This is the first thing we’re drinking together in your apartment,” before putting it in her cart.

This is probably the part where I should tell you that someone accidentally stole her cart in this same Costco trip and we never found it again. We played a Mario Party-type mini-game trying to grab all of the things in her cart again, which there were many. We did indeed make sure the twig wine was secured.

I also made my own nachos for Chrissy and her sister, Nicki, later on in the week. The first real meal I’ve made while hosting in my new place! We watched Love, Rosie, a moving and enduring story about love and life, and the Hating Game which I don’t have much to say about but I do love Lucy Hale so much.

I can feel myself finally acclimating and unclenching in the new apartment. I hang out shirtless now which isn’t a normal thing for me. I’ve kind of always had a never-nude vibe about me. I think hanging out shirtless is probably a testament to how comfortable I already feel. I also love having my own couch and living room. I’ve been vibing the fuck out.

The Passage of Time

We all know I have a penchant for nostalgia. I think I talk about returning to my younger self nearly every two weeks. I think this is why I have kept Facebook notifications ON! They’re always telling me insane shit like what I was doing on this day twelve years ago or updating me on someone I haven’t talked to since I was sixteen years old.

These things remind me how far I’ve come. The ways that I've changed and the ways that I haven't. In case you were curious, twelve years ago, Dom and I were posing in our graduation caps and gowns together.

Last weekend, Dom, Darian, and I had a picnic in a park in Los Feliz. I brought various Korean snacks from H-Mart. Dom brought her bomb picnic set up and a pesto pasta salad. Darian came with a flavorful kale salad and a chocolate cake with buttercream icing which was more butter than icing but delicious all the same. Darian, don’t kill me. It was good!!

Our conversation spanned many different topics. Work, spirituality, dating, and even more. When I see them, it’s like nothing has changed since I met them in 2011. Life has indeed changed us in various different ways, though. How could it not? 

On Wednesday, Facebook served me up something that made me laugh out loud. It felt so fitting. 

I sent it to our group chat immediately.

First of all, I’m so grateful to have known these amazing people for so long. Something that I’ve noticed recently is how some people simply… don’t have any friends. That could not be me. I have deep friendships that truly span over a decade now. I forget it’s been that long. Witnessing people display friendless behavior has really given me gratitude for the people in my corner who ride for me and that in turn, I ride for.

Second of all, Darian’s response really struck me. I know that as we grow older we become more wise and more self-assured. It’s so clear to me even in the way that I approach situations myself. I spent my entire twenties hating myself and I can’t really imagine thinking that way anymore.

However, I think the wisdom comes with a side of fear. Living in the world is not easy and only continues to get harder. As we get older, I find we grow a shell around ourselves. A lot of time it’s necessary. We learn how to protect ourselves from the bad and remain peaceful at our core. Very important.

In turn, we become less audacious. We dream a little less. We poke holes in our own ideas before someone else can. We try and be more realistic. When I say we, I mean me but I hope I’m not alone there.

I find a lot of people my age love to call themselves old. I would like to state that I don’t feel old. When I worked at the post office, I interacted with many people between the ages of seventy and ninety. The elderly, I guess.

I watched as some of them got brand new haircuts, new outfits, or even a new house that changed their entire life. I spoke with a PO box regular, Anna, who was navigating dating in her seventies and asking me for advice. None of these people ever called themselves old. I learned through that job that life is so long and there will always be something new to discover about it.

If I think I’m old now, I’m gonna have a rude awakening in twenty years. I’m happy to be thirty-three though. This age feels nice. And sure, there are moments I feel out of touch. I still could not confidently tell you what the fuck is up with the skibidi toilet but there’s always going to be someone younger than you and some part of the culture that you don’t understand in a way that a twelve-year-old does.

That said, I need to become a little more audacious again and find that inner twenty-two-year-old that doesn’t give a fuck. Will probably help me with my writing A LOT.

Don’t read the comments unless you wanna see me

I am never more free than when I’m commenting on a celebrity's Instagram. I know giving into the whole celebrity thing is so silly. I don’t really agree with the entire machine of fame and entertainment. Those who know me, know that working in celebrity news for so long taxed me but I’ve found a way to make it fun for myself.

Now, I’m not promoting spreading hate in a celebrity’s comments. That’s so not what this exercise is about. But here’s the thing. If Rosamund Pike is going to promote her Wheel of Time show that I’ve never even watched (which also got canceled, sorry to her), I’m gonna gas her up. Or whichever PR company is running the account. I don’t give a fuck! Typing out “Let’s goooooooo” feels so good. Pressing the post button feels even better.

Someone once questioned this behavior of mine. They said something to the degree of, “they’re never going to see it, you know.” I was slightly offended but only because I felt misunderstood. I’m not really commenting for them, I’m doing it for myself. I’m just having fun. I’m spreading joy. I don’t care if Wonho sees my comment. The comment is for the people.

I will admit I’ve gotten a little trigger-happy these days. This practice has gone from celebrities with thousands or millions of followers to fan accounts (of Hugh Jackman and Spider-man mostly) and then niche internet personalities but you’re never going to catch me apologizing for having fun on the internet. How else am I going to have a random interaction with Caroline Calloway????

I find myself hyping up the most random people on the internet now. My instinct is to now tell people when I think something is cool or even just to type out what feeling comes instinctively to me, without judgment. We could all stand to judge ourselves a little less. 

Yes, and

Manny and I had one of our famous sleepovers this weekend. Our original plan for the day was to take a couple edibles, go to Muji and just see what happens. This plan was crushed upon discovering that the Muji in Hollywood has been permanently closed for reasons unbeknownst to us.

Our pivot ended up being the Cost Plus World Market at the Grove. We went in looking for a throw pillow and throw blanket for my apartment and left with maybe five million snacks from around the world. And I got a 3.99 candle which I have burning as I write this. Dandelion and Arugula, I’m very into earthy scents right now.

We rode the (literal and figurative) high into the ‘Farmer’s Market’ part of the Grove and went into every little store that we could. Our favorite ended up being the French grocer, where we doubled down and got a bunch of crazy fucking beverages.

I mentioned this in my last newsletter but moving is so goddamn expensive and stressful when it comes to money. As so, I’ve been grappling with financial anxiety even though I’m truly fine and will be fine.

Manny often references a book called Buy Yourself The Fucking Lillies when it comes to things like this. Life is too short to not buy yourself flowers. Sure, the flowers are disposable but you won’t regret the joy they brought into your life. A spirit lifted is still a spirit lifted, no matter how long the lift lasts. This is why this holiday weekend, I used the tried and true improv method of ‘yes, and,’ and leaned into the Grove trip. The day was a blast. I will never regret having such a fun day with Manny so I shouldn’t be so pressed about the dollar amount attached to it.

We got an incredible Thai feast afterward and then retired to Manny’s where we watched Out of Sight starring George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez in 1998. The movie itself is a little clunky the cast is absolutely stacked and the color grading is fantastic. I miss good color grading. We are on a decline as far as color grading goes. Give these people their jobs back and send them to the Marvel Studios first.

While I’m not going to be financially irresponsible, I am going to be less hard on myself regarding spending. Especially if the spending is simply me living my life.

This is what happens when the second edible hits at the Grove:

Honorable Mentions:

• Digimon Adventure 2020. Love!!! I watched like six episodes in a row the other day.

• My therapist giving me the exposure homework of RELAXING.

• Vampire Weekend. Been listening to them non stop this week.